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This episode has mixed segments varying between German and English. If you want to skip one, make sure to try out the chapter marks that lead you to the start of each segment. Here is a list of the minutes, but the chapter marks are even better.

00:00 German (DEUTSCH)
12:59 English
30:35 German
50:12 English
1:18:18 German

The Aristophanes Myth — from Plato’s writing »The Banquet«

Auseinander Klamüsern — To puzzle over

Schaffa, schaffa, Häusle baua — Working, working, build a house.

Cling onto something — sich an etwas festklammern

Wholeness — Ganzheit

Dear Winter,

In this episode I promised we would talk again this week, however I’m not sure now whether I can deliver on this promise. But either way it doesn’t matter so much, maybe you feel like contacting me or perhaps I pick up spirit and try to take those first steps again. Yet we are already platonically connected through these podcasts and the reminiscene they brought about our past talks in automn. So there is no need to rush and maybe I needed this time to reflect and even to drag on this uncomforting situation of not talking to you. By now, it could be all figured out in my head, but that is never sure until you finally decide to act and utter those words describing your inner emotions. On the other hand, it is clearly time to act and ending this hurtful game of cat and mouse. Because talking to you and seeing your facial expressions will make me feel whole again. By now I have no uncompromised view of what I want and can do, with you and in my life. Something that would feel unequivocally right would be to stumble into your arms as I wrote in an earlier episode description. From there I could maybe slowly grasp some fresh air, breathe deeply and be able to look at myself and understand what I need in this life. Your real name is so much more beautiful, so I should end these platonical podcasts soon and hopefully we can get back to the »normal«, bidirectional way of communication.

——

I couldn’t get out this episode from last week and the following ones because my room mates were using up the band with, obfuscating the digital tubes and wasting every byte. They are maybe addicted to internet games and virtual messaging, but I don’t judge anyone. This way I had time to reflect a little more and think now, yes, this slow path is maybe also something that was needed, at least from my part.

It is a stupidly desperate historical age and might feel like clinging onto somebody, but maybe it is also wise to reflect and since you were not making any moves or undertaking steps into my direction, I assumed we might both be fine with this and let it grow in the dark, see what can happen later. Today you seemed to be talking in Ukrainian about staying in Germany and finding a work here; I could only grasp some words of your conversation like »Ukrainska« and »Germania« because I don’t speak your beautiful language but it appeared to me as if this was what you were discussing, how to find a job after your internship ends and this would make me feel so happy, just the fact that you can stay here where you are safer. And the question of friendship, love or possible intersections between possible states of the affective scale, doesn’t even interfere here, I only like you and it feels good to see you around me or even just know that you are in a safer country with no war.

In the episodes to come I will try to bring light into this entanglement of various feelings, affections and yearnings. Whether this will help anything and do any good, I can’t even say, I don’t know what the highest good or any good could be.

Yours truly
The greatest podcaster in the universe