184

06:46 English

Outro: NF - If you want love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfxY1sg5_rw

This is the netflix show I referred to last time treating the topic of rape amongst others, 13 Reasons Why:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13_Reasons_Why

Dear public,

with this episode, my streak of 14 days podcasting in a row will end. It was recorded yesterday and will not be followed by a new episode today. Because I felt a certain remorse while reading the final poem and afterwards began to feel a distinct aggression towards my two imaginary lovers, Manita and Liliya.

In a way, I feel, lamentably, sexual relationships might not even be possible at the moment. At least for me it feels this way, with what I read out last time from the magazine about Picasso, that in the current cultural situation men are portrayed as evil perpetrators and there is no way of getting out of this, getting rid of this feeling. It is always going to be present in a love relationship, the notion that you as a man exploit, destroy, humiliate a woman. And women make it all worse by their waiting behavior of which you two are a perfect example. Although you, Manita, were very active and took the initiative in our encounters initially, with the pass of time you developped a certain attitude towards me, blaming me for your mental peace being disturbed and so on. So with this you are telling me that you are really weak and need a man to have compassion, for any action of his could ruin your mental stability and make you feel exploited and not valuated properly.

With this, ok, in a certain way I understand how a woman has other conditions in life and thinks about the pain and suffering linked to giving birth as an example, but with your general weakness and »feminine« behaviour you make it impossible for me to love you. Because I feel assessed by you, like I would have to change and alter all my habits and personality in order to become worthy of you.
The same goes for you, Liliya. You make me feel like a merchandise being traded. You knew and felt — I presume — that somehow there was a note of love in the air, but prefer to let it be my task to unfold all this, make a try of how this communication about love could be established.
It’s too strong simply, this bond, this feeling and if you don’t help me, ok, I’m going to let it slip away, I will never come to see you at your desk and if you don’t understand this, fine, go on with your life. I hope that it particularly hurt what I said in the last episode about feeling way closer to Zoryana because of her class position — of which I admittedly can only assume that it’s closer to mine, somehow her parents are like mine part of the aristocracy of workers, the ones managing and exploiting the poorer workers at the order of the bourgeois owner.
Yes, this is brutal, but what can I do?
It’s not Zoryana and me who need the revolution (the most), it’s both of you, Manita and Liliya. And having expressed this hopefully can make you understand how deep this bourgeois rule goes, being born into one or the other stratum of society determines our personality and all that we are going to be and represent.
We can never be truly equal and therefore also not actually love until the revolution will sweep away these borders and fragmentations between all social beings.
Hopefully you can understand this point, Liliya, I want to love you, but right now it feels impossible. The same with Manita.

But this class division is not the most divisive line, I only wanted to bring this up to explain everything to you, Liliya, these marxist fights are tough and you should understand me that I didn’t want to bring them into the office, at least not that early after meeting you first and preferred to tell you about my theoretical convictions in written text.

The most arduous fracture is the one between man and woman.

It would be so great to fall into your arms… but both of you expect from me to be that man… to be a real man.

And Zoryana doesn’t expect this from me. She’s young and unformed, I can form her through my discourses and teachings, but this is not the main point, of course it would make love a lot easier if a woman could look at herself in a feminist, self-assured way and not be depending that much from the gaze of men. The difference is that Zoryana identifies as worker and only in a second level as a woman, while for you being feminine is somehow a more vital part of your identity to which you always want to crawl back when you feel things don’t work out as planned in love and you can attribute and blame everything on men, which is not good and will never get you the feminist power to fight back and develop your own standpoint.

But I don’t even want to think about a love relationship right now, also not with her, the main joy that Zoryana gives to me is simply being there in the office and greeting me, making me sure that there are more people in the world than you two and that some day one could start a thrilling conversation with one of them.
Zoryana makes it clear and shows this two me, that you two are not the whole world although with your gestures and luring behaviour make it appear at times like it. You savour your feminine power over me, thinking that men are so swinish and driven by the goal of sexual realization, that one way or the other you can exercise your supreme power over me. But this approach has a flaw, it leaves you women in the subordinate, inferior, weaker spot where I don’t want to love you.
I would always have to assess myself whether I can really be that man and live up to your implicit demands. And I would rather prefer to turn around the tables and that you show me how you can be dignified.
Anyway it just got clear to me, I cannot love and write about all this at the same time. I need to finish my writing work and then hopefully can get back to thinking about the great realization. But for now, I sense it would always make me feel nervous in the morning to think about whether this could be the day… I don’t want to and cannot be worthy of any of you right now. Goodbye.

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IMPERIALISMUS — next chapter

Die abwesende Lilaya ist krank an diesem Montag, schon seit Freitag hütet sie das Bett. Alona war am Freitag auch daheim geblieben, um von dort zu arbeiten und ein wenig nach der armen Lilaya zu schauen.
Die beiden jungen Arbeiterinnen sind aus Gründen der firmeninternen Hierarchie und des beschwichtigenden Ausgleichs zwischen den Abteilungen und Abteilungsleitern, je unterschiedlichen Führungspersonen zugeordnet; Tschindler ist für Alona zuständig und weist sie in ihre Projektaufgaben ein, während sein Gegenspieler Messner formal der Vorgesetzte von Lilaya ist, die aber weniger mit ihm zu tun hat, da sie ausschließlich an einem Forschungs- und Neuentwicklungsprojekt arbeitet, das vom umtriebigen, unstoppbaren Herrn Umbrak geleitet und mit Feuereifer vorangetrieben wird. Tschindler hingegen scheint ganz erfreut darüber, dass eine so junge und selbstbewusste Frau nun seinem Regiment untersteht. Er nutzt die Gelegenheit, um mit Alona ins Gespräch zu kommen. Verbissen überlegt er, was er ihr sagen könnte. Verdammt,denkt er, es hat schon ein Gschmäckle, einen Hauch von sexueller Belästigung, sollte ich mit ihr übers Wetter tratschen oder ihr gar ein Kompliment für ihre Bluse oder Brille machen. Also nein, das geht nciht, ich muss gezwungenermaßen mit etwas Geschäftlichem um die Ecke kommen, immerhin, hierzu ist mir meine Stellung als Abteilungsleiter ja doch nütze, ich muss die Arbeiter leiten und es gibt nun mal gewisse Vorschriften… ah, wie jene, dass man zum Arbeitsplatz kommen sollte. Das Home Office hat sich zwar als Gewohnheit eingepegelt für die älteren, gestandenen Mitarbeiter, aber so einem jungen Hüpfer sollten wir wahrscheinlich klar machen, dass man sich dieses Privileg langsam verdienen muss und nicht gleich im ersten Jahr mehrere Tage in der Woche von zuhause arbeiten kann.
Daher macht er mit seinem Kaffeebecher halt vor der schönen Alona, die mit dem unwiderstehlichen Schimmer ihrer Haut und ihrer jugendlichen Unbedarftheit den Eindruck eines Babys oder jedenfalls eines unschuldigen Kindes vermittelt.

Tschindler: Hallo Alona! Ich habe gesehen, was für Fortschritte Sie in ihrer Arbeit mit Herrn Kwon machen. Alle Achtung! So hätte ich in meiner eigenen Jugend sicher noch nicht programmieren können, Sie sind wirklich eine Bereicherung und ein Glücksfall für unsere Firma. Aber eines wollte ich Ihnen sagen, weil Sie letzten Freitag ja daheim waren. Lilaya war ja krank und da ist es normal, daheim zu bleiben. Aber wenn Sie selbst nichts haben und gesund sind, sollten zur Arbeit kommen, also hierher ins Büro. Das ist einfach besser, damit Herr Kwon Sie ordnungsgemäß einarbeiten kann.
Alona: Ja, sicher. Ich wollte mich nur um Lilaya kümmern, die ja krank war. T: Aber wenn es ihr nicht gar so schlecht geht, dass sie wirklich Unterstützung daheim braucht, sollten Sie stets zu uns ins Büro kommen. In diesem Projekt ist wichtig, dass Sie vor Ort arbeiten, nicht wie beim letzten, wo es auch gut von daheim ging.
A: Ja, es ist nur, der Kaffee hier schmeckt mir auch nicht so richtig, also entschuldigen Sie, natürlich möchte ich nichts gegen die Firma sagen, aber die Kaffeemaschine ist doch schon recht … alt und runtergekommen, die brüht ja ein Pisswasser auf, das man eigentlich direkt in den Abguss gießen müsste, wenn man nicht wüsste, dass es bei der Arbeit ja doch immer recht gut tut, einen kleinen Koffein-Kick ins Hirn einsickern zu spüren.
Deshalb also bin ich gestern daheim geblieben, weil zufällig haben wir da eine italienische Maschine, einen astreinen Vollautomaten, der das Aroma der Kaffeebohnen so ungefiltert und ungetrübt wieder ausspuckt, dass man direkt meinen könnte, man säße mitten im Urwald und hätte sich die Kaffeebohne soeben direkt vom Busch heruntergepflückt, sie zermösert und dort eben mit den zuhandenen primitiven Mitteln einen Kaffee gekocht. Denn obwohl die ukrainische Firma, Ayurveia, bei der ich angesetllt bin, im Allgemeinen sehr knausrig ist, muss man ihr doch lassen, dass das Haus, in dem sie uns untergebracht haben, mit allem nötigen Haushaltsgerät ideal bestückt ist und keine Wünsche offenlässt.
T: Oh, das muss ja eine reiche Firma sein. Aber sag mal, Alona, ich kenne dich ja so noch gar nicht, dass du so sprudelst und ein ganzer Wortschwall aus dir herausbricht. Ist etwas Besonderes, dass du/Sie (das Gespräch findet auf Englishc statt, daher lässt sich keine genaue Einordnung treffen, welche der beiden Formen denn nun gemeint ist und implizit genutzt/vorausgesetzt wird von den beiden Partizipanten) heute so munter und lebhaft bist?
A: Nein, eigentlich nichts, ich bin mit einem Lächeln auf den Lippen aufgestanden und …. ach so, ja natürlich: gestern hat mich Herr Umbrak auf eine Unterhaltung eingeladen und ich war sehr zufrieden und glücklich, zu hören, dass die Firma, also UPIG, mich gerne noch länger hier behalten würde und direkt mit mir arbeiten würde, unter Umgehung dieser Aasgeier von Ayurveia, die uns alles abpressen und uns eigentlich ja nur hierher vermittelt haben, sonst nichts weiter…
T: Ah ja, dann hat Ihnen der Herr Umbrak gesagt, dass wir nach einer Möglichkeit suchen, Sie aus ihrem Vertrag herauszukaufen?
A: Ja, exakt und das schmeichelte mir natürlich auch ein wenig, zu denken, ich bin so wertvoll, eine junge, schaffensfreudige Ware auf dem Arbeitsmarkt, um die sich alle Unternehmen reißen und sogar bereit sind, Zehntausende Euro für meinen Wechsel von der einen zur anderen Firma zu zahlen — also ich weiß ja gar nicht, wie viel es denn wirklich wäre, Herr Umbrak meinte nur, im Grunde könnte Ayurveia eine beliebige Summe festsetzen, um die wir sie verlassen dürften, denn nun ja, vertraglich ist das alles wasserdicht, da sind Lilaya und ich mit unseren Verträgen auf unabhsehbare Zeit an Ayurveia gebunden, geradezu gefesselt oder geknebelt.
T: Ja, das hab ich mir auch schon gedacht, wahrscheinlich ist es das Geschäftsmodell dieser Firma und deshalb haben sie auch so schöne, reichhaltig bestückte Häuser, in denen sie euch Rekruten oder ausgehobene Freiwillige für den Einsatz im deutschen Arbeitsmarkt stecken können.
Die schreiben das in eure Verträge, dass ihr nach Ablauf der Leihfrist an eine deutsche oder EU-Firma dazu verpflichtet seid, noch so und so viele Jahre für sie, Ayurveia zu arbeiten an irgendwelchen Projekten in der Ukraine — aber das ist wahrscheinlich nur ein Vorwand, um euch gegen eine hohe Ablöse zu ebenjenen Firmen innerhalb Deutschlands zu transferieren, die dann ja schon mit euch gearbeitet haben und über eure Kompetenz im Bilde sind.
A: Exakt! Und das Auswahltraining dort in der Ukraine ist ohnehin so hart, die sieben da nur die Rosinen, die fähigsten Arbeiter raus und schicken sie nach Europa. Deshalb also kommen hier sowieso praktisch keine unfähigen Arbeiter an, die dann die Erwartungen der deutschen Firmen enttäuschen könnten.
T: Und so werden sich diese deutschen Firmen — wie wir als UPIG ja auch! — die Finger danach lecken, jene Arbeiter in ihren Reihen zu halten, die mittlerweile ja schon gut mit der Materie vertraut sind und eingearbeitet wurden in die jeweiligen Kundenprojekte hier in Deutschland. Ein Win-Win-Geschäft! Nur natürlich ärgerlich für uns, dass die von Ayurveia dann so um die Ablöse schachern können, das ist ja fast als ob ihr Fußballspielerinnen wärt, für die Millionen an Transfersummen gezahlt werden!
A: Ja, ein bisschen kommt’s mir so vor. Und das würde mich auch stolz machen, wie Shevshenko einst ins europäische Ausland zu wechseln, nach Mailand oder… aber keine Sorge, Herr Tschindler, ich bin Ihrer Firma so dankbar und wünsche mir nur, hier weiterarbeiten zu dürfen im Schoße der UPIG — nie würde ich momentan dran denken, woanders hin wechseln zu wollen!
T: Das freut uns natürlich. Eine begabte und hochmotivierte Mitarbeiterin wie wir sehen wir selbstverständlich äußerst gern in unseren Reihen.

Mit diesen Worten und einem breiten Grinsen verabschiedet sich Tschindler und eilt in die Kaffeeküche, um sich eine Tasse oder ganze Kanne jenes schwärzlichen Gebräus einzugießen, welches von Alona so kritisch bewertet worden war.

ENGLISH

The absent Lilaya is sick this Monday, she has been in bed since Friday. Alona also stayed at home on Friday to work from there and to look after poor Lilaya a little. For reasons of the company's internal hierarchy and the reassuring balance between the departments and department heads, the two young workers are each assigned to different managers; Tschindler is responsible for Alona and instructs her in her project tasks, while his opponent Messner is formally Lilaya's superior, but she has less to do with him, since she is exclusively working on a research and new development project that is being carried out by the busy, unstoppable gentleman Umbrak, guided and driven forward with fervour by him. Tschindler, on the other hand, seems delighted that such a young and self-confident woman is now under his command. He takes the opportunity to strike up a conversation with Alona. He ponders grimly what he could say to her. Damn it, he thinks, there's a taste, a hint of sexual harassment, if I gossip about the weather with her or even compliment her blouse or glasses. So no, that's not possible, I'm forced to come around the corner with something business, after all, my position as head of department is useful for this, I have to manage the workers and there are certain regulations… ah, like those, that you should come to work. Working from home has become a habit for the older, established employees, but we should probably make it clear to such a young jumper that you have to earn this privilege slowly and cannot work from home several days a week in the first year . So he stops with his coffee mug in front of the beautiful Alona, who with the irresistible shimmer of her skin and her youthful innocence gives the impression of a baby or at least an innocent child.

Tchindler: Hello Alona! I have seen the progress you are making in your work with Mr. Kwon. Awesome! I certainly wouldn't have been able to program like this when I was young. You really are an asset and a stroke of luck for our company. But I wanted to tell you one thing, since you were at home last Friday. Lilaya was ill and it's normal to stay at home. But if you don't have anything yourself and are healthy, you should come to work, that is, here to the office. It's just better so that Mr. Kwon can properly train you. Alona: Yes, sure. I just wanted to take care of Lilaya who was ill. T: But unless she's feeling so bad that she really needs help at home, you should always come to our office. In this project it is important that you work on site, not like in the last one, where it was also possible to work from home. A: Yes, it's just that I don't really like the coffee here either, so excuse me, of course I don't want to say anything against the company, but the coffee machine is quite … old and run down, it brews piss water, that you would actually have to pour straight down the drain if you didn't know that at work it's always good to feel a little caffeine kick seeping into your brain. So that's why I stayed at home yesterday, because we happen to have an Italian machine, a perfect fully automatic machine that spits out the aroma of the coffee beans so unfiltered and clear that you could think you were sitting in the middle of the jungle and just had the coffee bean picked straight from the bush, ground them up and made a coffee there with the primitive means at hand. Because although the Ukrainian company I work for, Ayurveia, is generally very stingy, you have to give them credit for the fact that the house they put us in is ideally equipped with all the necessary household appliances and leaves nothing to be desired. T: Oh, that must be a rich company. But tell me, Alona, I don't even know you that you're so bubbly and a whole torrent of words breaks out of you. Is it something special that you (the conversation takes place in Englishc, so it is not possible to make a precise classification as to which of the two forms is meant and is implicitly used/assumed by the two participants) are so lively today?

A: No, nothing really, I got up with a smile on my face and…. oh yes of course: yesterday Mr. Umbrak invited me to an interview and I was very satisfied and happy to hear that the company, i.e. UPIG, would like to keep me here longer and work directly with me, bypassing them Vultures from Ayurveia, who squeeze everything from us and actually only put us here, nothing more… T: Ah yes, then Mr. Umbrak told you that we are looking for a way to buy you out of your contract? A: Yes, exactly, and of course that flattered me a little, to think that I am so valuable, a young, creative commodity on the job market that all companies are scrambling for and are even willing to pay tens of thousands of euros for my change from one to the other company — well, I don't even know how much it really would be, Mr. Umbrak just meant that Ayurveia could basically set any amount by which we could leave them, because well, contractually it's all watertight , Lilaya and I are bound to Ayurveia with our contracts for an indefinite period of time, downright tied up or gagged. T: Yes, that's what I thought too, it's probably the business model of this company and that's why they have such nice, richly stocked houses in which they can put you recruits or recruited volunteers for use in the German labor market. They write it in your contracts that after the loan period to a German or EU company has expired, you are obliged to work for them, Ayurveia, on any projects in Ukraine for so many years — but that's probably just an excuse , in order to transfer you for a high fee to those companies in Germany that have already worked with you and are aware of your competence. A: Exactly! And the selection training there in the Ukraine is so tough anyway, they just pick the raisins, the most capable workers, and send them to Europe. That's why practically no incompetent workers arrive here anyway, who could then disappoint the expectations of German companies. T: And that's how these German companies - like us as UPIG too! — Lick your fingers to keep those workers in their ranks who are now already well acquainted with the subject and have been trained in the respective customer projects here in Germany. A win-win deal! It's just annoying for us, of course, that Ayurveia can then haggle for the transfer fee, it's almost as if you were soccer players who were paid millions in transfer fees! A: Yes, it seems a bit like that to me. And that would also make me proud, like Shevshenko, to move to other European countries, to Milan or… but don't worry, Mr. Tschindler, I am so grateful to your company and I only wish to be able to continue working here in the bosom of UPIG - never would I currently be thinking about wanting to go somewhere else! T: Of course we're happy about that. Of course, we are very happy to see a talented and highly motivated employee like you in our ranks.

With these words and a broad grin, Tschindler says goodbye and hurries into the coffee kitchen to pour himself a cup or whole pot of that blackish brew that Alona had so critically evaluated.

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Alas, Zoryana
You, the dawn
The young unborn Venus
The water froths up
In the sea of reason
That spills into the Aegean Sea
The waves rock
But nothing keeps me spellbound
as your sight
You, with white brilliant skin
You're young, don't worry
draw your circles
Energetic, full of lust
Because you know no mercy
For what reason?
take care of the men
Who you strike down, shoot out?
You turn your neck
Stretch, incredulous
but you are modest
Head bowed
Do you go your own way purposefully?
No eyes for us who doubt
And I… also a man
Just a man, nothing more
So I have to write
To you, your youthful resilience,
to be fair
You hold it like steel girders
buildings of the world together
by your grace
Your mischievous existence
Without retreat, without a double bottom
you are present
surrender
The glow of your skin hits me
Strike me down
I just wanted to be with you forever—
be sure, sure
That I'm interesting enough for you
'Cause you're losing patience
You are stubborn, stoic
But also let your emotions run free
Alas, if the lightning of your anger struck me
But that's why you should meet me
I need to know what this bump looks like
You shall be mine, I want to own you
And we can do well as lovers
Sensual, happy, as the interaction of two
Young bodies and spirits
What attracts me is your innocence
That grows from youth
The naturalness that you pour out without on you
to be able to hold. Later ages might discipline you
Shy, make more deliberate
But not today: you walk along unperturbed
You draw your circles stoically
Nothing is holding you back

When you work, you are in your world
Here you are mistress and everyone sees
What a brilliant worker you are
What strength you show
How precisely your hands grab their material
Wherever you put your hands, the best work will thrive
You set everything up
To complete productivity
And when you get up to make tea
Or scurry to the toilet
Then you do it despondently, reluctantly
But also upright and without hesitation
You know what you want, what you have to want
Now it's time for a break, a cup of tea
But you crouch slightly, drop graceful shoulders
I want to bite into
That's how much I like their arc shape
Reminiscent of Italian church arches and arcade lines
Your plump outfit adorns you so much
Yes, these so-called "feminine" lines
Well, there's no denying femininity about you
And she is beautiful
As worn by you.

It never occurs to me what to do
In this life
And I think too long
Society has got me back
She is very smart
And I can't do anything. Whether you want to rebel or follow, trace and pay tribute
Both are wrong, heralds my downfall
'Cause society is playing me out
But you, Zoryana, you are a very different being
The Little Society; the affection of a little
Human stuff sitting across from me
When we work quietly
Then I feel, like me, your presence, your being here and working
Good thing, how I breathe a sigh of relief, freer, more exhilarated, ready for tough cramming
Solving problems, thinking through constructions
That's how I go to work
But only because I see you
And you take away all my fears of society

A being pure and clear like you
That shows me
How small and insignificant I and all my affairs are
The main thing is that you have something to do
Works forward
Just like you do, set an example for me
you are my mistress
And yes, if you insist
Can I teach you a thing or two too?
Tell you something about Marxism or something
But you've already taught me the most important thing
And if I can, I will always remember it
And obey
The work, the desire to strictly isolate all programming problems
The stringent advance
Into the jungle of manual puzzles and puzzles
Nothing is holding you back